No, You Can't Fap To This

Lucky?

2011-07-31T23:01:00.002-04:00

I seem to have an awful lot of pet peeves. Right near the top of them are the people who think that everything good that happens to me or anybody else in that matter makes us lucky. Usually it's in conveyed in some stupid pre-teen girl fashion of "Luccckkyyyyyy" or something to that affect, but either way it's always annoyed the fuck out of me. Why? Because I didn't win the God damned lottery, nor did I win a new car. When have I been lucky? When I won a vacation to Montana. That's pretty much the only thing aside from Florida driving not killing me that has required me having good luck in these past few years.

Aside from that, everything that I have done, everywhere I've gone, and everybody that I've met has been a result of my own persistence and hard work. Nothing that I've done has been so spectacular that nobody else couldn't also do it if they were willing to have a job that made them the money to go on said adventure, follow through with actually going on that adventure and then making the best out of the time they spent on that adventure. What makes me 'lucky' compared to all of these other people is that I wake up 6 days a week to tolerate a job that I loathe immeasurably so that I can make money. With that money I pay for my own bills and take whatever is left and plan on going places. I actually follow through with going to those places and am also willing to exert myself so that I'm able to meet cool people or do cool things when I go to these places.

I know it sounds like some sort of asshole rant here of me trying to downplay the cool shit that I do occasionally get to do, but it's not meant to be. I do cool shit because I want to and I work harder than most people for it, not (usually) because it's handed to me. When I am greeted with "You're lucky" by a million people who I'm fairly confident are barely acquaintances much less friends, I'm not sure if I should be insulted that they think my life is so grand that things are handed to me. Going to a concert, doesn't mean that I'm lucky. I had to pay for the ticket, the gas, sometimes the airfare, the food, the hotel or whatever else. It makes me a human being that enjoys going to shows when I'm there, not lucky. Catching a drumstick or something, that can be considered luck at least, although I still had to work to be able to put myself in that position in the first place.

I know there are a lot of counterpoints there that I should consider myself lucky compared to people less fortunate than me. I fully agree with that when it's somebody that is going through rough times, ill, or whatever else and life genuinely sucks. I'll agree when it's somebody who works as hard as they can just to put food on the table. I don't agree when they spend their money on drugs, alcohol and stupid shit instead of whatever they wanted to do that makes me 'lucky'. I definitely don't agree when it's one of these many lazy people between the ages of 16 and 30 that feels this weird sense of entitlement of how others need to provide for them and feel no obligation to take responsibility for themselves and get a God damned job and be some sort of useful member of society. These are the people this rant was aimed at in the first place anyhow. I'm not as lucky as you are lazy. Got it? Good. Enough of bitching about this.

Nigga, Fuck Your Updates

2011-05-14T22:16:00.002-04:00

While I'm in a writing mood tonight, I just realized that holy fuck I haven't updated this since December. Luckily for me nothing in my life has really changed. I waited for months for somebody who turned out to be a bundle more than I needed to deal with. I've seen some awesome shows and I have a bigscreen now. Beyond that it's just blah, blah, blah my job sucks, I'm bored with life and kind of lonely my family is batshit insane, blah blah blah. Thankfully the gym opened in March and for the past two months I've been going there almost every other night to pass the time instead of sitting online all of the time. While I enjoy my solitude, I also go fucking insane when I have nothing to do but sleep or sit on the computer while hundreds of my 'friends' lead productive lives on their end. Through my awesome friend Brittany I made a super fucking awesome friend, Kelly who loves my music and my taste in strange, often cheese smothered food. It's nice to have a friend here for the first time since Cynthia moved away. I've also made amends with two of my ex's which now puts me on speaking terms with four of the six at least. I still hope that one dies a slow miserable death however. That's really all there is to say for now.

Christmas Is Over!

2010-12-26T19:16:00.003-05:00

I figured since I hadn't updated this since the day after Halloween that updating on the day after Christmas would be pretty fitting. I flew up to NYC two weeks ago for Rammstein which is probably the best concert experience of my life. Everything about the three day weekend and the three shows in it worked out perfectly and the show was nothing short of spectacular. I bought myself a Dean Razorback as well on Tuesday. That's all that's good in life right now. As for Christmas, this is just one of those holidays that is depressing to be alone for I do believe. I'm not talking about being single as much as just being alienated by everybody it seems like. My mom sent me some odds and ends and her old curtains for my sliding glass door on Thursday which was pleasant. Apparently it turned out to be a better gift for Scrambles since he has become obsessed with playing in the curtains. We got off of work at noon on Friday and my boss gave me $100 for a Christmas bonus which I thought was awful white of him. The idiot that I am decided I should get my father something since he is the only 'family' or anything I have anywhere close to me. I picked him up a Zeppelin shirt at the mall on clearance and then a GPS at Radio Shack. So I wrapped the GPS in the shirt and tied up the bag, since I'm not one for wrapping shit, and handed it to him. He had a shocked look on his face and let it sit in the garage for a couple of hours before opening it. I knew he was waiting for the right words to say to me. Later on, he opened it up and figured it out. "I was gonna get you something but since you need so many things I didn't know what to do." Whatever. So I spent the evening with Cynthia watching 'American Psycho' and episodes of Tosh.0 and drinking iced tea flavored beer stuff from 7-11. It was a fairly decent night at least. I slept until 10:30 when my phone was going off with my father wanting to know which Blu-Ray player he should buy himself. So he texted me and was like 'I'm coming to pick you up at 11:30, see you in 40 minutes'. He dragged me all over town to find himself a great deal on a Blu-Ray and movies. Then I got to go back to his place so I could install it, fix the remote in his bedroom and then wire in a new electrical outlet for his washing machine. That was my day. I told him I wanted to go to Goodwill so that we could get out of the house and I could ultimately get taken home. That plan worked and I finally made it home by 6:30. So I spent 7 hours as my father's do bitch on the day after Christmas. How depressing. All of a sudden I miss work. I just don't want to wake up for it. This is the pathetic life I lead. I guess that's pretty much all for now.

Halloween Is Over!

2010-11-01T18:03:00.002-04:00

It's funny to hear all of the gummy goths in their dreadfalls and platform boots go on about how Halloween is the greatest holiday ever and how it's 'their' holiday. Because yeah, you don't already dress like a fucking sideshow freak the other 364 days of the year. I guess this is just the day that you get to dress like a bloody nurse or Alice In Wonderland because those are most likely your other two obsessions. Halloween also makes social networking sites uninhabitable for about a month. Ordinary girls look slutty or goth-ish for a few hours and make it their default picture until Christmas which only gets my hopes up when approaching strangers that they aren't as hideous as they really are. Of course with appearance comes the general stereotype to their taste in music and when I see a girl in leather and bondage gear I'm thinking metal/industrial not a prep on Halloween, so I'm always left saddened until normal pictures return. So I'm also 25 now. It was a boring, uneventful and fairly depressing day. I fell asleep at 9 on Saturday night and slept until 11 in the morning to avoid humanity as long as possible. Then I watched football and ate and was entirely too lazy before falling asleep to some classical music at 10. Me going out of my way to visit my father made him feel like a good parent of course. He did nothing for me but make excuses about having no money and tell me how great his woman is. I should have stayed home. Oh well. I woke up to the worst back problem I've had in a couple of years today to boot. I'm sitting here with the heating pad on and loaded up with drugs hoping something will help. I want to die right now from the pain however. Why must everything suck?

Gotta Stop Slacking

2010-10-24T18:57:00.002-04:00

Well it's been months since I've updated this apparently. Like two and change to be exact. Holy fuck. Things have been different since then but everybody who knows me knows about this. When the apartment got robbed all of my autographed baseballs and two folders of my cards got missing as well. I'm over that though aside from the distrust I cannot get rid of towards people. I won a vacation to the Crazy Mountains in Montana through Marlboro which should be pretty awesome. I'm going with my best friend in Florida and it's sometime during the first three months of the New Year. Also December 11th is Rammstein in New York City. It should be fun except I don't know anybody who is going aside from a couple of conceited people who I don't want to acquaint myself with. The softball team I spoke of in the last entry never happened because my boss went back on his word for sponsorship money citing how broke he was and then bought a 2500 dollar trailer for his 4 wheelers two days later. D'oh. I met a wonderful girl who is out of reach until February 17th or something but I'm not even going to get into all of that. Scrambles is also apparently a boy and I'm down to 200 pounds for the first time in a decade. That's pretty much all that there is to my life these days. So depressing.

Here We Go!

2010-08-16T21:19:00.002-04:00

Alright, it's time for a proper update of this shit! I'm feeling pretty good about life right now after everything retarded lately. I briefly touched on my apartment getting robbed last update but I figure now I'll go into details somewhat. So apparently last Friday somebody came into my apartment between the time Victoria left my apartment to go to lunch with Dan and I and when I got home from work and took a pillowcase off of the spare bed and stole my Playstation 3 and my camera. They didn't touch any of my music stuff thankfully or even my DVD's and games. Actually I think one or two DVD's are missing because the shelf was packed tight and no longer is. But I can't even figure out what movies are missing so it doesn't really bother me that much. Whoever got in had a key or an excellent lock picking set. The only people who have ever had keys to this place are myself, Lexy, Victoria, the landlord and the maintenance guy. But I'm done losing sleep over it. I was pretty upset about it when I figured it out because it felt more like an invasion of privacy than anything else. Sure I miss the PS3 and especially the camera for concerts but it wasn't things with sentimental value that is hard to replace.

Next on the list is that I'm around 215 pounds now. That's pretty monumental for me even though I really wish that I could start eating better again. I've been having people like my boss buy me food a lot lately so it's pretty hard to say no to. Also this brutal heat where the heat index is still 95 at 10 pm kills my jogging the bridge ideas. But if I can stay around 210-220 for another month when the temperatures at night start to come back down I'll be under 200 for Christmas with no problem. I never realized how easy it is for me to lose weight before, although I should have tried sooner. All that I have to do is stay away from all you can eat buffets, Checkers and Sonny's and all is well. Even eating how I haven't wanted to I've either lost a pound or so every week or stayed the same.

I joined a co-ed softball team. I guess that's the next most important thing in my life. It's a 16 game schedule on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I'm pretty fucking stoked for this. I haven't been in this good of shape playing sports before for one so it makes things better. My boss is sponsoring the team and both Chase and Dan are playing as well. We had our first practice yesterday and I more than impressed myself this time. I have always been one of those people that sells myself short so that I look impressive when I do something right. I call it the small penis concept. If you tell them it's 2 inches when you really have 6 then they're ecstatic. When you tell them you have 10 and have 6, you are just going to piss them off. So that's my mentality on test taking, sports, etc. is to sell myself short and set the bar low for myself in the eyes of others. I haven't played softball or baseball since I was 15 so I figured I'd be a bit rusty. It took me about three swings to get timing back, but I still have incredible bat speed especially now that I have some upper body muscle which I never had growing up. I have no problem getting a softball to deep center or right field now. I used to be a consistent bloop single hitter but I can finally hit for good power which makes me really excited for this season. I am on eastbay.com right now buying cleats because the biggest problem I had with my swing was that I spun myself into the ground with the momentum from my bat. If I can get that momentum to stay in my hips and arms when I make contact with the ball it's fucking on this year. I sound a little bit cocky right now I know. But the competitive dick comes out on me when I'm actually good at something and look forward to playing. I really regret giving up on sports when I was younger but North Carolina didn't offer anything in the way of organization outside of the school. And the only way I would have played on the teams there was if I could beat the piss out of everyone on the team first.

Lastly, I started writing music reviews and that kind of stuff on http://braingell.com It's an excellent internet radio station with music news and all on the site and figured that I could use my extra free time and share my thoughts with the world and hope that one day something might come of it. I really wish I could do something musical with my life instead of what I do now, so one can pray.

I guess I have finally learned that it's time to make myself happy and to stop worrying about other people. Most of the girls I meet are whores with agendas and lots of skeletons put simply and I'm tired of putting faith into them to make me happy because that's just silly. Kady is the only friend that I even have left out of my ex's because at least we're on the same wavelength as human beings unlike the fucktards I've dated other than her. So I guess that I need more time for me and self improvement and with that will come happiness in other ways.

I know this is the most 'personal' blog that I've posted on here before for which I apologize. I'm usually all serious business or serious racist prick on here but I figured a legitimate update on both here and livejournal is long long overdue. I feel like I've alienated too many people in 2010 which I feel like a dick for doing. So that's all for now.

When Life Hands You Lemons, Pour The Juice In Somebody's Eyes.

2010-08-10T18:37:00.002-04:00

So life has been a bitch lately I suppose. I'm tired of trying to cure everyone else's problems but not my own. My apartment got broken into Friday and I'm just sore and tired. I'm not going to go into details because if I had to guess the culprit is somebody who knows me and would feel like they won. Whatever I guess. Shit is all retarded like Justin Long would say in Idiocracy.

Promptness Is Overrated

2010-07-31T17:45:00.002-04:00

I should have updated this weeks ago. I don't even have a good excuse as to why I didn't other than the severe case of A.D.D. that I've magically developed living on my own. Unless it's urgent shit can always wait or else I find ten other things to do instead. It's pretty unhealthy. I think it's because I've stopped exercising like I was because of this fucking heat. I've also been working entirely too much at work getting moved to our new location so I've been too tired to do anything but take a nap or sit online for a few hours. I miss having weekends off more than I can tell you. I also miss meeting sane, normal people. It seems like the older people get, the more baggage that comes with them and the more you have to be willing to put up with. When I was young it was the attention whore girls and potheads that were most common and now it's everything from crystal meth addicts, former prostitutes, three unwanted kids to felons. Of course they're extreme cases which I've seen all of now when usually it's just girls who still can't figure out what love is and run away from the people who care about them to see that the grass really isn't greener when they talk to me and run back a short time later. But I'm not here to rant about being miserable or anything I assure you. Things are okay aside from not having hope in people. I don't expect that to ever change. I'm just saying holy fuck everyone has issues now. One thing that has irked me lately is how I can talk to somebody on a Wednesday and they have no job, no boyfriend etc. and then by Friday that's all completely changed. And every week it's something drastic with them too. Is everyone's life this busy and 'meaningful' now? Or do most people online just patronize me with simple emotes and abbreviations and when I finally get them out of their shell the truth comes out?

In other news, I'm still probably better off alone and my apartment is finally fully furnished. The concert season is starting to heat back up as well which means I won't have shit for money for a while. It is nice to only have to worry about myself aside from my phone bill. My father is still annoying and won't give up the imaginary girlfriend thing again but this time it just seems creepier than usual and I can't put my finger on why. I suppose I'm going to go to Cynthia's parents' house now and get my camera back since I kind of left it in her car the other day. I guess that's all for now. Actually I'm falling asleep with my hand on the keyboard too. Go me.

It Only Took A Month

2010-07-20T22:49:00.003-04:00

I promised I'd update this more but I go right on and break my promise. God I'm such an asshole and a bad person. Ask everyone that knows me. So not too much has changed really. I've got all of my stuff up in the apartment. It's even more tactful than last time. I know people will still think I'm immature and all of that shit but oh well. The Scorpions put on a great show Saturday night. I definitely would have kicked myself forever if I missed that show. I also bought Aerosmith tickets so it's going to be a grand month coming up. Hell I don't even feel like typing in this anymore. My mind is going a million miles an hour like there's still a bunch of shit that I need to get done tonight. I'm going to call and find out about getting Lasik soon though however. I've gotta buy contacts and glasses soon which will be around $700 so I see it as pointless to spend all of that money and then keep blowing $200 every six months on contacts. Not to mention how much easier it'll make my job not having to worry about contacts or glasses. We shall see though I suppose.

Blogs From An Asshole

2010-06-20T15:51:00.002-04:00

I figured it's time to update this thing some more. Maybe weekly is more realistic than daily for me after I lost interest in it the first time. It's been a very boring yet peaceful past week. I've been exercising a bit and I'm down to the 220 mark now. I've gotten way too hard on myself about what I eat now because I haven't wanted to cook at home lately. Not to mention the power went out in the kitchen wall outlets. I feel like 200 pounds will be a stretch and a major pain in the ass. I'm tired of being so fucking bored for sure. I don't have jack shit for friends around here anymore so my life consists mostly of looking for people to talk to online again like it used to. I realized that way too many people have kids now. Don't get me wrong, I don't hate kids by any means, I just don't give two shits about anybody else's. I got a nice three tier computer desk at Goodwill last week for $33 and a computer chair from work so I have the desktop set up which means I now have music in the apartment. So if anybody else notices that my last.fm playcount has been going through the roof, that would be why. When I have nothing else in life I always have metal. That's one of those things I can't get people who aren't as passionate about music as me to understand. It's the one thing that never bails on me and can actually capture the emotions that I'm feeling. If you find it dark, depressing, stupid, etc. then you are too sheltered, spoiled or ignorant to comprehend the feeling being conveyed in the songs. I guess that for now I'll work on finding somebody to annoy for a while but I'll probably fail at that too. I should eat something too but my stomach is cramping like hell. And I love how I can type this whole thing up in the duration of one Opeth song.

Awkward Age

2010-06-13T12:00:00.002-04:00

Well there's a lot to tell since the last entry on here. Things are quite different. Firstly, I am down from 257 pounds to 220-225. Secondly, I am single. Lexy and I were two totally different people no matter how much we tried to tell ourselves otherwise. I'm more of a homebody that likes having one person to call my own and I'm a little bit too jealous about other guys trying to work their way into the picture. She tried her hardest to get me to 'grow up' by telling me I can't put my stuff on the walls if I want to be mature and can't watch things like Family Guy or The Soup because it's for two year olds. Anyone who knows me well though knows that not taking myself or anything unimportant too seriously is what makes me who I am. I want to be able to make a joke at someone's expense or laugh at something stupid or make a poop joke because that's the person that I am. You die too quickly when you spend your entire life with a stick lodged up your ass worrying about what others think of you. When people see me I want them to think I'm intelligent enough to know right from wrong but still goofy and outgoing enough to be a fun person that you don't get tired of being around in fifteen minutes. I don't have the luxury of letting my wallet or appearance determine my fate with friends or women so I don't want to have to change that part of me anytime soon. Also it started wearing on me that most of the people that I called friends were no longer there because I had to sacrifice them to be in the relationship. There are a few people that I needed to get rid of and I'm glad that they're gone but there are some great people that got neglected for no reason other than selfishness.

But here's what I originally wanted to rant about. I need to look for certain things in girls but I am at a very weird age when it comes to dating I realized. Being 24 and a half years old means that I want a girl between 21 and 25 ideally but most people at this age are still in limbo about life. Odds are they're too young to have a 'career' unless it's at Pet Supermarket as a cashier. But then a lot of them are also in college for however much longer and I'm not selfish enough to want somebody to alter their life to be with me. And then aside from the ones who go to school or the ones who work at shitty jobs there is the muddled middle of girls who have no aim or goals in life aside from the next party which I don't need anymore of. When an adult still talks about being 30 different things when they 'grow up' it's not a good sign. I do feel like I can do better than supporting someone who will jump from classified ad to monster.com for the next 40 years trying to find their calling. So with all of that indecision leaves me with a mess. It's nearly impossible to find an attractive girl who isn't repulsed by me or my music here as it is. But then I am faced with finding somebody who has their shit together as well. Hopefully they're out of college or at least in college somewhere close to here and they need to not have kids. Sometimes it seems like the proverbial needle in the haystack thing to me and that's why I feel like sometimes I just settle for the best that I can get because I'm tired of looking. Oh and if anybody remembers this exists to read it, don't think I'm making jabs or hitting below the belt here. I'm making generalized statements here. I mean even of my friends, a lot of them are too consumed with school far away or are just along for the ride of life to be useful when it comes to relationships. All I'm saying is that it's difficult to me until I hit about 27 or 28 when women are hopefully decided on their lives by that age. Of course by then I'll have to deal with who has kids or psycho ex husbands but that's a problem for later.

So There's This Story That I'm Tired Of Telling

2010-05-06T10:59:00.003-04:00

Well first off, I apologize for not being better about this but I have no internet because I have finally moved. So the saga begins on Tuesday of last week. I was having three weeks of migraines and pain in my head so I decided to visit the hospital. They did a CT scan and told me that I had a headache and to go home. So I did nothing about it, however I started blacking out and the pain became so bad I couldn't function when it hit me. I checked myself into the hospital on Friday night with Lexy and they did all of the tests on me and kept me until 3 the next day. They found a low heart rate and nicotine in my system as if I were a heavy smoker. They also found my sinuses swollen to the point of hitting my brain which apparently is also caused by the cigarette smoke. Apparently my father was told of this issue 20 years ago and he just chose to neglect it so that he could smoke in the house and not have to walk his lazy ass outside or crack a window. So after a couple of days in the hospital and missing a concert in Orlando I still had a hotel booked for Saturday night up there. So I decided that Lexy and I should go to dinner and a club together anyhow since it's not strenuous or anything and it will get me away from the house. My father flipped the fuck out over it. He texted some very nasty things about staying gone and finding somebody else to pay my rent. So I found an apartment on craigslist before I left the hotel and he let us sign a lease and move in on the same day. My friends Dan, Dawn and Bernie all brought their vehicles over and we came in and took all of my shit while my father sat there eating Chinese food. The look on his face of confusion and anger was absolutely priceless. He's barely spoken to me in the two weeks since and things are finally feeling normal. I love the new place and especially the pool there. I'm going to go back to work now. There's plenty more to tell about things at a later date.

New York City

2010-04-09T00:50:00.002-04:00

Alright, so I'm home from New York now and I must say what a trip. I spent entirely too much money but I can safely say it was well worth it. Lexy and I left my house at 4 in the morning figuring that's plenty of time to get to West Palm Beach and get on our plane. So we get there at 5:15 and wait ten minutes for a shuttle ride and by 5:35 we are there and there is about 300 people standing there waiting for all of two people to check boarding passes and ID's. Our plane is boarding at 5:45 and leaving at 6:15 and we get to the terminal by 6:05. There is no seat number on our tickets though so I'm worried as hell. We get there and they've oversold the flight and it's already full. We are there with about six other people without a flight. So I'm freaking out of course thinking what a horrible start to a trip this is going to be. After about twenty minutes of hearing my options the employee for US Airways tells us we can fly into Charlotte and leave at 6:40 and then go to Philadelphia and be there by 11 instead of our original target of 9. They also sweetened the pot by giving us each $275 travel vouchers for our inconvenience which will buy her birthday trip to either New Orleans or Vegas this summer so it worked out well. We get to Thrifty and our Fusion is gone but we get a newer Dodge Caravan which didn't bother me since I've driven a million of those anyhow. We have an uneventful drive to New York City aside from me accidentally getting sidetracked and taking an exit in Philadelphia while babbling about Kevin Spacey. Oh wait, I also couldn't find a road in New Jersey on my way to the Lincoln Tunnel because apparently a road was missing a pretty important street sign. We got there at about 3 in the afternoon and hunted down a Wachovia over on Broadway and then parked and walked to the Hudson Bay Eatery which was a delicious place and fairly priced I might add. We stood in line for about three hours and it was actually really nice not running into people that I knew at a show for once. We got on the rail on the far right side and of course I realized that I forgot my camera. I got a few pictures with Lexy's camera but it was better than nothing at least. The show itself was absolutely amazing getting three hours of my favorite metal band with no filler or bullshit. The crowd was even tame aside from a random crowd surfer or a small pit because it takes a real poser to mosh to progressive metal. We got right out of New York City without hitting any traffic which was pretty awesome and went to my mom's and saw her for a bit today before flying back rather uneventfully. People definitely bitch about driving in New York City too much as if it's some huge event and I definitely have to disagree unless you're afraid of changing lanes. I had no problems in the city and thought at times it was even better organized than Orlando. I just think that the pedestrians have this sense of entitlement that needs to be wiped off of their face by running them over with a soccer mom van. At almost every light somebody walked out in front of me thinking that they hold priority over a car even if they don't have the signal. I have no regrets about my short vacation with an amazing girl and an amazing band. It was nice being with somebody who was grateful and won't tell me later that they only went to make me happy. So that's all. Time for bed.

The Streak Is Dead

2010-03-31T23:32:00.002-04:00

Well I had went over 200 days without missing a day even if the updates were stupid as shit. I just went about 13 days without an update of any kind. Most people would just hope that I was dead but much to your dismay, it didn't happen. My back has gone completely numb from the pain tonight and I feel like dying. No, I'm not being pessimistic or anything else, I just feel that awful. I got home at 5 and I washed the dogs, filled three holes in the walls, painted the inside of the house, cleaned my bathroom and the rest of the house and then swept and mopped and it is finally over. I also made dickhead more business cards so that he can feel important to somebody somewhere. I get to sit 6 and a half hours later and he's pissed off that I didn't wash his bath mats. He's asking me about buying tickets to a Yankees game and 'what's the scoop' on Lexy and I don't even know what to tell him about the second one. I feel like a moron every time he brings it up because he talks about us like we're any old normal couple who is ready to move out and have a family any day now but I can't sit down and tell him what's really going on or not going on without looking like and once again being called an asshole. I broke another windshield in my truck this morning as well when what looked like a bolt came off of a semi truck and hit my windshield. My job is still awesome but I've lost the motivation to wake up everyday to go in or else I'd be fine. I feel like I know that I'm doing things terribly wrong in life but my heart keeps telling me that it'll all work out for the best but my brain knows better. Oh, Dan, Chase and I all attempted and defeated a burger challenge at a Cafe here by eating a 2.5 pound burger with a pound of fries. It's sad when it's the thing that I can be most proud of right now. I need answers to my questions before I lose my mind.

Blah Blah Blog

2010-03-18T21:48:00.002-04:00

I totally don't feel like writing this tonight. I'm taking a night off. I had a good day though. Lonnie sent me home at 3 since we were so dead after kicking ass this morning. It was nice to get out a little early after working so late so much these past few weeks. I hit the mall and then Kelly's with Patricia and Lexy who came back up to hang out. Now it's time for a movie and beer.

Feed The Fat Guy

2010-03-17T18:07:00.003-04:00

Today was a pretty uneventful day aside from some batshit insane customers again. I worked through lunch since I feel fat enough lately but now I'm starving. The period key on my computer is dying now too. This thing is fucking doomed. I'm also pretty broke it seems like. I'm afraid to spend money because the bills just keep getting more and more expensive and I don't want to be in the hole. I can't explain but it's all mental. I'm ready for my vacation and to be done with that because that will knock out a lot of stress. Otherwise, happy birthday miss Kady. Off to putting clothes away.

Who The Hell Is Earl Grey?

2010-03-16T20:55:00.002-04:00

But I like your tea mister. Reaper is being adorable again and I'm just feeling sleep deprived as of late. My father wants to paint the house one of these nights when he gets home trying to impress Kathy and Rachel so they don't think he's such a fucking slob. He had to go get a new tattoo on Sunday which is much more important. That's all for now.

Not Sure

2010-03-15T19:53:00.003-04:00

Yes, the title is an obvious Idiocracy reference. My computer is on its last leg it seems like and I sometimes feel like I am too. I don't like mind games from people and it seems to be all that some people want to do. And don't worry reader of this blog IT'S NOT YOU. Work was pretty busy today but the day went by extremely fast. I'm ashamed of my dieting right now seeing how I've eaten a metric fuck ton it feels like since Friday. Having company will make me do that though. I'm still stressing out over New York because I haven't gotten anything situated yet. I'm ready for bed now and it's almost 8. What a pathetic existence I lead.

Is It Monday Yet?

2010-03-14T18:33:00.002-04:00

So I didn't wake up until two today thanks to that whole daylight savings shit. My father was pissed off that I wouldn't go to breakfast with him because he texted me and my phone was dead. If you want to wake me up, yell at me at least! So I fixed Lexy's car before she went home today, ate Arby's and now here I am to be lazy again. My father got yet another tattoo that he won't shut up about. He wanted to paint the house today which I was up for but he's been too preoccupied with his obnoxiousness lately. Also these commercials about MEN's body washes are getting obnoxious. We are supposed to smell like soap, who gives a fuck what it smells like? I don't particularly want to hang out with anybody that smells like musty, spicy Mexican. So that's all for today.

Mmmm... Beer

2010-03-13T22:00:00.002-05:00

So my computer charger died while I was at work all day anyhow. I worked all day and then went to Harbor Freight in Melbourne and bought tools. I am sitting here drinking beer and watching Idiocracy. That's what my night consists of but it's nice. I'm going to go away for now

Not Really An Update

2010-03-12T21:51:00.001-05:00

So my friend Lexy is here for a little bit so I don't want to update this because I'm about to watch Super Troopers. I just had Vic's for dinner so now I feel horribly fat and like I have betrayed my diet already. Tomorrow is going to be busy as fuck which sucks since Dan is off. It should be an interesting weekend.

The Best Part Of My Day

2010-03-11T19:14:00.002-05:00

Is a spam email with the subject line of: "Pack a missile in your underpants". I thought that was hilarious. My back is hurting so much I could cry right now and work will suck hard tomorrow. I pulled an exhaust manifold off of a V-10 Ford and 6 of the 10 studs are broken off inside of the head. That means I have a morning of extracting broken bolts which is about as fun as sodomizing yourself. I had this great idea of what I'd update this with and decided I was too lazy.

Haven't Done This Yet:

2010-03-10T16:41:00.003-05:00

But I'm blogging at work. Granted it's just about time to get home and it's a slower day so it's almost forgivable. I just know that I'll be too lazy to do it earlier. My legs are chaffing though from this recent warming trend in the weather that makes me miss the north and I'm just generally tired from the whole sick thing and all. I finally feel good today aside from hacking shit up. The past week of that shit was draining though. I just want a nice shower right now.

Mmm.. Diets

2010-03-09T19:02:00.003-05:00

So today begins another diet. Chase, Dan & I are betting ten dollars a week until June or July or something to see who loses the most weight because we're all fat. I'm eating better starting now I guess. I'm about to watch The Hangover since everybody keeps telling me I must watch it. So that's pretty much it for now.

Fuck Your Midlife Crisis

2010-03-08T19:54:00.002-05:00

I am finally home! I worked until 7:35 tonight because of the stupidity of people before me. There's nothing like getting the part you need until 5:15 because somebody put a 1987 engine in a 1986 truck. I am sore, sick and tired and I just want to go to bed but I cannot. Why? Because my father spent the day at the tattoo shop getting his Opeth tattoo so he can try to act cool around people some more. He just walked in the door. Joy. Now I get to go grocery shopping because he couldn't do that the rest of the day.

I Miss My Bed Already

2010-03-07T11:16:00.002-05:00

This whole only having one day off thing sucks sometimes when I want sleep. I went to bed around 4 this morning and I'm up now for some unknown reason. The show last night was fun and without my father much better than tonight will be. The concert season gets busy for the next couple of months now. It's always fun but it's often as stressful as it is fun trying to figure out the money thing and work around them. I just wish I felt better right now, it'd go a long way towards my happiness. Oh and a fucking omelet. Dear God yes I must have one.

Still Sick

2010-03-06T12:21:00.002-05:00

Ugh, off of work and my head is all fucked up. I feel like absolute dogshit and I have to go to Fort Lauderdale tonight. I swear that I only get sick when I have shit to do. This isn't worth updating today sorry. I just want to die for a few hours.

Cheap Movies!

2010-03-05T18:06:00.002-05:00

I don't have anything important to say. I will say go to moviegallery.com and check out their clearance used DVD's. I bought The Shining, Harold & Kumar Escape Guantanamo Bay, Zombieland, Observe & Report, and The Hangover for 29 bucks at their store today. Now I'm going to the website to see if there's anything I need on there. Gotta buy The End, Ricochet, Chasing Amy, Tombstone, Unforgiven and a few other random movies possibly if I ever find them on there.

Nah Man, Fuck Your Updates

2010-03-04T20:29:00.002-05:00

Today is like taking a day off from this thing. I feel the need to write something deeper than the retarded blog thing. Who am I kidding though? There's nothing deep about me except for my appetite. I'm still trying to get over being sick and trying to come to terms with the mass avoidance thing. So for now I have nothing to say. Work was busy as fuck today and tomorrow should be more of the same. Goodnight.

Nothing Of Relevance To Say

2010-03-03T17:32:00.002-05:00

I am sick and miserable, horray. We were busy at work today with a bunch of small shit and loose ends that needed to be tied up. I'm glad that it's all done so tomorrow will go back to sanity just a tiny bit. I feel like I got punched square in the kidneys and my throat is killing me so I just want to die until this passes. There were a couple of highlights to my day though at least. We went to Chef Lin's for lunch today and got some great food and saw they have a Mongolian grill setup there next to the sushi now. I will now want to go there more often. And to anybody who has me as a friend on last.fm they'll notice that I've had hardly any plays lately which is because I found an amazing station on iTunes called Braingell under the Hard Rock/Metal section. I go on chat and request some songs every now and again and they're really good about playing them for me even though I always have the songs that I request on here anyhow. So Dan requests Ratt and I want some Daath since it's an Atlanta station and they need to show some hometown love to them like they do to Sevendust. Chase of course pipes in with "I want some old Avenged Sevenfold off of the Waking the Fallen CD" so I repeat it to them as "my coworker wants Avenged Sevenfold because he doesn't recognize how much they blow" which turns into a chat room full of people describing exactly just how much they blow balls. Chase had a temper tantrum wanting to know why the metal community makes fun of them so much. So those were the highlights. Now it's time to pet the Reaper and probably sleep the night away. Better set my alarm clock now.

When I Miss My Cat, I Watch Porn

2010-03-02T18:07:00.001-05:00

So as the title implies, Reaper must know when I'm horny or whatever and he thinks that is the perfect time to come cuddle. I won't see him all night but if I put on some porn or I just want to rub one out I magically have a kitty. Do we give off some sort of scent and my cat secretly just wants to have gay sex with me or is he like every other cat and they always know exactly when they shouldn't bother you? There we go, that was the 'deepest' thing I've posted on here lately. Life is the same otherwise.

Dr, Suess Is Dead

2010-03-01T18:39:00.002-05:00

I'm home from my wonderful job just to go back to my miserable life of listening to my father. Apparently the stencil machine has broken so he can't get his Opeth tattoo which is just going to break my heart when he does. But for a week or so at least there is a God. I spent $200 on tools today at work on a really slow day which I am glad is over. Hopefully I'm more motivated tomorrow. For some reason I've learned I'm really slacking on Monday's and as the week progresses I kick some major ass on Thursday and Friday before unwinding on Saturday. I guess that's all for now. I'm not much in the mood to type.

Post #200

2010-02-28T17:45:00.002-05:00

This should be monumental or something, but it is not. I went and saw Cop Out and got some fucking chicken nachos so it was a fun night. I got home today to my father's nonsense story about his endeavors in life because I always seem to miss so much when I'm gone for a day. I don't really feel like going to work tomorrow because I love my bed way too much. I'm trying to figure out what I've done to piss so many people off lately. Unanswered texts and IM's aren't my idea of being a 'friend' for long. My left eye is twitching now, it's probably the beginning of a heart attack from last night's chicken nachos and tonight's bacon.

Tired Again

2010-02-27T12:58:00.002-05:00

It's 1 on a Saturday and I'm slacking hardcore of course. I'm going to Orlando for the night tonight to get the fuck away from my father. I am so sick of hearing about his nonsense and his tattoos and all of that shit. He's going to get the Opeth logo done on Monday and I will just want to cry. He knows nothing about them and this is the same band that he hated and wanted to leave during back when we saw them in 2006. My boss gave me an extra $50 on top of my check today for staying late and coming in early a lot this week which was pretty awesome. He was like "here, go have some fun tonight." I can't say I've ever had a boss like this but I really really enjoy it. Reaper somehow got locked outside last night so he's pretty calm today. He probably won't be doing that again any time soon if I had to bet. My father claims he never went outside last night but when I let the dogs out I know that I closed the glass door so I don't believe him. My father claimed that he couldn't find the cat so he assumed that he was in my room instead of looking or asking or anything. When I left for work this morning I saw him meowing at the screen door begging to come in. When he came in he darted to his bed and curled up there. That's about it for now.

Shittiest Day Of Work In A Long Time

2010-02-26T19:25:00.002-05:00

I am so excited that today is finally over with. I stayed up until 3 something this morning even though I had to get to work early to take an asshole customer to his job in order for us to get the job. I woke up before my alarm clock so that I'd for sure be awake to get there in time. I get there and ask the guy if he's ready to go and he's like "No, I need to wait for Lonnie to get here to talk to him." That kind of defeats the purpose of me having to get there early off the bat. Lonnie gets there a few minutes later and he starts pleading with him to lower the price of the job before I take him to work. The car is a total heap of shit and him and I discuss all that is wrong with it on the ride over. I bust my ass working on it all day because every time that I touch one of the plastic pieces it breaks since the car is 14 years old and has been sitting for years. I also put a set of spark plug wires on it which were no good so I had to do it over again. The customer gets there at 5 and I am putting it back together and we discuss the parts under the hood that broke and how they won't hurt anything and I test drive the car to verify that I fixed it and we discuss that the temperature gauge doesn't work and I go home at 6:15. I hadn't gotten out of my truck yet and Lonnie calls me asking me to come back to work because the customer is claiming that I broke everything that we discussed as being broken prior trying to get money taken off of his bill. I get there and the guy shuts right up and leaves and it just amazes me how fucked up people are. That's why he's a fucking telemarketer at Omni Financial though. I also had to do U-joints in a Jeep today and as soon as I press one of them out somehow the yoke of the driveshaft snaps in half which I have never seen or done in as long as I've been a mechanic. So I had to drive to the junkyards and hope to find something to work. Thankfully I did but it was a huge mess. Also I'm getting sick so I'm not too happy about feeling miserable all day to boot. I have had the worst migraine in a long time even after taking some BC's and I'm running a fever and can barely bend over because of my back. It's exactly the way that Lonnie's and Dan's last sickness started last week though so I think it's my turn. Just sitting here feels miserable at the moment. So that's all. It was a day that felt like I treaded in water as fast as I could but never got anywhere.

As A Matter Of Fact, I Don't Have Anything Better To Do

2010-02-25T17:56:00.002-05:00

So the late night last night paid off today because today was a really slow, easy day because of it. I was online way too much at work. Dan and I are in love with a station called Braingell at http://braingell.com since it plays the perfect mix of both of our music so I have no complaints there. Lonnie made us keys to the shop today and went and got me one with a Fender guitar blank which I thought was cool as shit. I'm feeling pretty lazy now though. I wish people in this town didn't suck so hard. I got home and my father left me a note telling me to mop because the house smelled instead of just mopping the house. So I did that now so I don't have to later. I guess I'll just rot my brain on here. I'm listening to Guns N' Roses after Kady mentioned them I had to hear them. I might watch the 40 Year Old Virgin again later and then nap. That's all.

Out Of My Head

2010-02-24T19:41:00.002-05:00

It's almost 8 and I just got home and out of the shower. I felt depressed as shit today and I just wanted to keep working. If I had the parts and the cars I could have easily worked until midnight tonight just to be away from everything but my music. My music is the only constant in my life and the only thing that I don't want to change. I feel like I complain about the same shit so many days in my life but it just seems more and more apparent with every new person that keeps me around as a novelty until they learn who I am at which time I am relegated to the fallback guy status. I am so sick of being at the bottom of the food chain when it comes to who people want to talk to, who people want to date or whatever else. I feel like I am on thin ice with every person that I meet and there is one magical word that I can say to any of them that sets them over the edge where I'm no longer friend material. Instead I am that one guy who tries to talk to them but they want nothing to do with me unless their life is going terribly or all else has failed them. Of course some people always take offense to me bitching and moaning about this stuff so mind you this isn't about everybody. This is more targeted at new people that I meet in my pathetic endeavors every week. There is a one week period of getting to know me where we are excited to speak to each other and learn about one another and some show interest in being my friend, my lover or whatever the hell else anymore and some just can't be bothered. After that week wears off everything falls out of their closet and you see who their real love interests are, why they can't be my friend because they are 'too busy' or they give me the 'who is this?' treatment. I guess that's where most of my retarded depression comes from today. I think it all hit me basically that people mean too much to me when I mean nothing to most of them.

Fucking Disgusting

2010-02-23T18:27:00.002-05:00

I'm home and thrilled to be laying in my comfortable ass bed. So last night asshole got his new tattoo and then wouldn't shut the fuck up about it as I expect to be the trend again tonight. Magni got sick and shit all over the floor in front of us as he bitched and moaned and made me clean it up. He also shit in his cage today since he's still sick but thank God he didn't lay in it. Work was pretty good today except for spending 26 dollars on lunch for three of us since I owed Lonnie lunch and Dan is broke. I love my job but I worry too much still. Sometimes shit is too good to be true but I can only hope. I got a key to the shop today though which is kind of nice to see that for the first time I have a boss who trusts me and doesn't think I'm going to rob them blind or rape their first born or something to that affect. Even Domino's which has no money that isn't locked in a safe wouldn't let me open up the store so instead I'd get to stand there and wait for a manager to let me in. Maybe they were worried I'd jerk off in the cheese bin or something. Now I kind of wish I had done that.

In Pain and Tired

2010-02-22T18:32:00.002-05:00

I have a wisdom tooth coming in which is weird as hell seeing how I got two of them in years ago and didn't think I'd get the other two. I had a pretty slack day at work although I stayed busy all day. I worked on a riding lawnmower a bit but I was just slacking. I want to shoot my father since he hasn't shut up about his new tattoo and all of that fun shit. I'm ready for bed already.

Yeehaw It's NASCAR Time!

2010-02-21T15:10:00.003-05:00

I slept until 12:30 today it felt amazing. Then I laid around for a little bit and washed my truck. Now however I get to listen to my father gripe as he watches NASCAR. I'm trying my best to be interested but it's pretty hard. I have been on a serious hunt for some new friends lately and I have failed as hard as ever. Some things never change I guess.

I Feel Like I Have So Much To Say

2010-02-20T14:15:00.003-05:00

Alright, it's finally time for my day and a half of a weekend thankfully. The past day or so has been really good. We were busy as hell this week at work so Lonnie bought us all lunch yesterday and then he wanted to go out drinking at Joey's with his buddy who came down from Virginia. I got there at about 9 and drank Heineken all night but he wouldn't let me pay for my drinks. At the end of the night he was like "this is for all of your hard work". How fucking cool of a boss is that? I felt bad that he was paying but he insisted. It was a fun place that I'll go back to even though I don't like the bar/nightclub scene at all. They had a DJ who was spot on with the mashups and stuff and it was all done with video as well so the big screen in front of the dance floor was quite cool. I am amazed at how much money rappers have to spend on music videos though. I did see Gun's 'N Roses, Aerosmith, Nirvana and Oasis all turned into rap songs though. It wasn't a trashy dive full of nasty women and fat old men either. There were some of each of course but I also learned that there are also incredibly hot snobby women in this town who will never speak to me that have the look like you'd just want to punch them in the face if you did. I had a guy who looked like an autistic Tom Green hitting on me last night, one chick who was so drunk she'd come on to anyone try and then some 50 some year old woman who started playing with my beard. It was mildly horrifying but I had a blast. I'm not one of those guys who will go grind on some drunk chick that will make out with ten other guys on the dance floor though so sitting there was amusing enough. Hell I've never even danced in my life of any sort. I'm also not the stud type that could actually pick up a girl at a bar since I have absolutely no game and no girl gets drunk enough to be that desperate anyhow. I just went for the booze and the entertainment. I got home at about 12:30 and stayed up until 2 and went to work this morning. I got my limited slip differential in my truck today as well which was an extremely awesome craigslist find for fifty bucks. It turned out to be a blessing in disguise because the carrier bearing on my old differential was coming apart and I would have been replacing it soon anyhow I found. I also hit my head really hard today and it hurts like hell. I've hit my head a few times lately and all have been extremely painful and for some reason after each time I get bloody boogers out of my left nostril only. It's totally random I know but I assume it's just a blood vessel or something. So that's pretty much it. I've got to go get dog food, toilet paper, light bulbs and detergent here shortly but I'm slacking on getting out of my comfy bed.

Undecided

2010-02-19T19:17:00.002-05:00

So my boss wants me to go out to some bar tonight with him and his buddies. I'm not sure yet because I'm indecisive as fuck plus I actually hate bars. I could use the new friends though so it's a tough one. I'm sitting here reading the T-shirt hell newsletter for now and you should too. http://www.tshirthell.com/miscpages/newsletter/newsletter_021510.php
That's about all that I have to say intelligent for now.

I Miss My Angry Music

2010-02-18T18:44:00.002-05:00

So I can't really play anything at work that I really want to anymore without getting bitched at by Dan, Chase and Lonnie about what in the hell I'm listening to. If you can make out the vocals it's okay so things like Metallica are still game and then things like Satyricon fall on the cusp but lean more towards no. But most days I want to listen to Opeth, Soilwork, Bodom, etc. and I can't. I used to be encouraged to get angry music going to piss Joe off at Dodge but now that it's a small shop and we have to coexist it's been a lot more of stuff like Shinedown and Chevelle but oh well. I still really enjoy my job and I really enjoy having money as well. I haven't even put last week's check in the bank yet actually so it's a nice change not counting nickels to get to payday. My biggest worry at the shop is that I get enough work done because a part of me is paranoid as fuck about working for one guy that he's barely keeping his head above water. I think I'm going to take a nap now as I listen to some Darkane since I miss them lately.

Perched On The Toilet

2010-02-17T17:30:00.002-05:00

I am sitting here trying to shit out three weeks of food or something. I had a doctor today say that steak stays in your colon for 20 days or something which horrifies me as to how much my colon must weigh now. That kind of scares me into wanting to eat a little less meat. Or getting a colostomy or whatever it's called. I was early to work today and in a really good mood because of my cat for whatever reason. Last night when I closed my door for bed he ran in my room with me which he never does. When I went to sleep he crawled under my armpit and went to sleep there and every time that I rolled over he stood up and repositioned himself in the same spot until I got up at 7 to let him go to the bathroom. Now I'm home and about to take a shower because I realized that I forgot to wash off my right arm at work.

This Seems Hardly Worth It

2010-02-16T20:39:00.003-05:00

I don't really know what the point of updating this for the sake of saying that I'm still alive everyday is. Nobody actually reads this and fuck I have nothing important to say. I still love my job, I still hate my home life and badly need some new friends. That's my life summarized in a sentence why keep repeating it right? But I probably shall continue ranting about it. If I haven't mentioned it lately fuck I love Acid Bath. I can't stop listening to them lately. They get stuck in my head and I even had the lyrics from Scream of the Butterfly in my head during a dream the other night. I am hoping my father pulls through with food tonight because I'm starved and when he went grocery shopping all that he bought was munchies and he has eradicated all of them.

As Useless As Winter Olympics

2010-02-15T18:12:00.002-05:00

I am dead tired and my back hurts like hell. My day consisted of working on a Jaguar, a transmission dilemma with an old Lumina and other random crap. I'm slacking on showering right now too. My life is so pathetic I swear. I wish that I had something to do or somebody to hang out with outside of work.

So Glad I Didn't Go To Daytona

2010-02-14T17:07:00.002-05:00

I am laying in bed watching Daytona and it is boring me to tears. I am sick of the stupid drama in my life right now. But I am so glad that my father is not home. At least Checker's was tasty. I'll always just be a fucking liar or something apparently so I'm just going to go for a bit.

Painful On The Wallet

2010-02-13T20:39:00.002-05:00

So today was a pretty slow day at work but our dryer quit last night. My father has that knack of breaking things that aren't as simple as him. I went today and bought a new washer and dryer for $668. My boss is so cool he followed me all around town so we could get them both in one trip which was damned nice of him. I can't ask for much more in a boss really. On the way my radar detector broke as well which will cost me another $100 soon. I bought a new limited slip differential for my truck from a guy on craigslist as well before going to the Jensen Beach mall for a few minutes and Arby's and now working on a computer. All that I wanted to do was take a nap but I haven't gotten a moment of free time yet. It's pretty depressing. I still need to fix my laptop but can't find the parts for it so I'm getting pretty frustrated. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

Another Long Day

2010-02-12T21:53:00.003-05:00

I am thrilled to be home and in my bed and enjoying these last few minutes of peace until my father gets home with all of his dramatic bullshit about his job. I had to work on a truck for some of his Mexicans today so I'll hear the whole story about that of course. We were swamped today and I busted ass. My feet are blistered today actually. Dan and I went to Sears and stuff tonight and then I went to Target and found an awesome clock to butcher up for my bathroom. That was pretty much my whole day. Here's the clock though:

This Makes Half A Year Of Updating

2010-02-11T18:43:00.002-05:00

I really need a life if I've noticed that I've updated this once a day for the past half a year and have given my two cents of bullshit everyday now. Work still kicks ass but now I'm really bored with life again all of a sudden now that I've nailed my sleeping habits down again. I come home and lay in bed with my computer and that's the end of my night. It's depressing as shit. I am seeing if anyone is interested at all in going to Daytona with me on Sunday but I'll probably just end up giving the tickets to some guy I've never met before because even I don't care. My father threw two tickets to the race in my lap last night and then gave me this huge bitchfit about how I couldn't sell them or one of them because he has someone who wants to go. So I told him if he was going to guilt trip me to just give them to whoever this guy is and I'll fuck off or whatever on Sunday happily. So I figured I'd give it another day and see if anybody who actually would want to go will go before I give them to this guy inevitably. I'm not lugging around someone even more apathetic about NASCAR than me because I don't feel like a miserable day so whatever is pretty much the best way to feel about this. I am dead tired. Also I am tired of listening to the same fucking radio bands over and over at work just to appease Dan and Chase. Three Days Grace isn't bad or anything but THEY'RE NOT METAL!

#182

2010-02-10T18:45:00.003-05:00

So I should update this with lots of meaningful stuff about my life but I just don't have it to tell. I'm not really in a great mood as of late and I've enjoyed being at work more than being at home lately. I'm a bad person but a good mechanic so maybe work is more where I belong than here. I'm tired of arguing, I'm tired of being degraded and I'm tired of being the last resort when all other options have failed.

Nonsense Daily Update #181

2010-02-09T18:09:00.002-05:00

It was another day at work but not a bad one. I still really like my job and how I do my work and go home and don't catch any shit about it. I do get annoyed by how immature Lonnie's 19 year old son is some days like today. He's singing along to shit like Paramore and Skillet today on the radio and then bitching about any music that isn't on the radio. I actually think that is the worst part of my job is that nobody else likes metal. Speaking of unmetal, Limp fucking Bizkit got added to Rock Fest in Tampa. How am I supposed to not laugh at that really? 2000 has come and gone, why bring it back? I guess that's all for today. I'm torn between guitar, Modern Warfare or just absolutely nothing again.

Oh Right, Update

2010-02-08T21:11:00.002-05:00

So concerts are finally getting announced again. It's such a great thing to look forward to but so stressful to plan so far in advance it's weird. My father put on wrestling and now I can only beat my head into the wall. I worked late as hell today and I'm just completely exhausted and I don't care to update this. I want to play some Modern Warfare actually.

It's Over Now

2010-02-07T14:08:00.002-05:00

So I'm home. The stadium where the Super Bowl is thought I was a terrorist or something and wouldn't let me pass shit out so I could make my money today. Last night's show was fun being away from my father. Sammy is pissed off at him for getting him drunk and then running to Ben to blame it on the manager of the club and when he sobered up he remembered it. It's really shitty feeling like a leper when I'm around my father at shows and he now texts anybody who is anybody like daily in an attempt to get attention so when I need them they won't answer. I really have to get away from here again. He needs to die. I like my job so it'd be perfect if he just died.

3 Hours 'Til Work

2010-02-06T04:05:00.002-05:00

So I just got home from Orlando from the show. It was a blast overall except for the whole part of me wanting to hide in shame from my father. He went all out and spent about $300 on food and wine which is sad since a lot of stuff was free from his job. All of the bands absolutely loved the food though I will say but Sammy started drinking before the show which is a huge no-no. He ended up fucking up onstage a few times and Ben went as far as yelling at him for it and yelling at my father for bringing him booze and then my father tried acting like he'd magically make things all better. I had a blast with the Devildriver and Suffocation guys both as well so it was nice. My father then made me drive home even though I have to get up early and he doesn't. He just talked to me about stupid shit like how Kady was his favorite girlfriend of mine, how gay people are heartless, etc. so it was pretty earbleeding. Now I'll hope to get a few minutes of sleep.

This Is Cheating Again

2010-02-05T01:13:00.002-05:00

I won't have time to update this later today so I might as well do it now before I get my whopping 6 hours of sleep. Tomorrow I will argue with Lonnie's son Chase about his taste in music because he thinks Avenged Sevenfold is more metal than Children of Bodom and stuff like that. It should make for a fun day before leaving at 3 and heading to the Goatwhore/Devildriver show of my father making an epic ass out of himself. Goodnight for now.

Interesting Day

2010-02-04T18:46:00.002-05:00

So I got to work this morning and we seemed to be dead. So my boss had me go to his house to run wires for his big screen through the wall and hook it all up and then move old lawn furniture out of his yard and all of that fun manual labor shit. I don't care anymore because as long as I am on salary I am fine with it. So we get back and from lunchtime on I am swamped with work. I got out of work around 6 and ran to the music store hoping to find the wires I needed for my new wireless setup for my guitar but it was already closed. So I go to Radio Shack and Brad from Capitol Records calls asking if I want to make $150 to go to Miami and hand out 30 Seconds to Mars shit in the parking lot of the Super Bowl. I am going to the show in Lauderdale on Saturday so I told him I would. It should be pretty interesting finding somewhere to park to hand out all kinds of shit for a band that I don't remotely care about. So my weekend is now filled and I just have to find somewhere to crash Saturday night. So that's the update on my life.

I Would Complain

2010-02-03T18:41:00.002-05:00

But fuck that. I don't feel like it. I'm pretty tired but I had a good day at work and I actually like my job still it's pretty amazing. Tomorrow the wireless receiver for my guitar comes and then I'll be fucking stoked. When in doubt, what would Hitler do?

Life's A Journey, Not A Destination

2010-02-02T18:06:00.003-05:00

Well I'm home. I wish I could be all giddy about it but I'm on my third week at my job and I still enjoy my job more than I enjoy my home life. I know too many fake people who feel that their contribution to society comes in the form of 'modeling' pictures or 100 pictures that all look exactly the same. So I don't know if I rambled in here or not about the kid that I work with (Lonnie's son) who is 19 and thought Led Zeppelin was Ozzy and that the Animals were Led Zeppelin. So we argued all day today because he always wants me to play gay shit that I don't own like 30 Seconds to Mars for him and today he had the nerve to ask for Avenged Sevenfold. I proceeded to tell him how much I thought they sucked and were an insult to metal and music in general. His side is that Avenged Sevenfold has the 'sickest' drummer and guitarists of all time. I tried showing him Pantera as an example of quality musicianship and he was like 'the Rev is a lot better than him'. Then I named drummers that he had never heard of and he looked at me like I was the idiot and he says "well when I play Rock Band Avenged Sevenfold songs are always the hardest ones that's how I know they're better." I wept over that. I guess I'm going to take a nap, write, play PS3 or something now so until tomorrow...

I Haven't Shit

2010-02-01T21:07:00.002-05:00

But my computer has. I started typing this but then my computer started dragging shit into the box so I had to start over again. I had some of God's laxative this morning - McDonald's Breakfast Burritos but I still feel pretty fat. Work was busier than it should have been today but it went by fast. My buddy Bill and I went to the book center to see Tim Dorsey who is my favorite author and he was pretty funny. I was amazed at how many old Jews with no life were there. It made me wish Hitler would return from the dead. Now I'm going to watch Reaper stand on my bed and antagonize Magni for a while.

My Computer Has Failed Me

2010-01-31T16:53:00.000-05:00

I cannot get the mouse to stop clicking on everything it hovers over so I can't really bring myself to updating this because it'll inevitably want to click on a million things as I type this. It was a boring day off watching stand up and of course I'm happy about this but my father thinks that washing his truck and making his bed will make him feel useful and make me useless so I'll just keep doing that for now.

Saturdaze

2010-01-30T19:46:00.002-05:00

It was a pretty good day. Somehow I managed to spend like 60 dollars on gas, food and DVDs today but it was worth it. I'm pretty exhausted and dreading my father getting home so I can listen to everything that I didn't have to listen to last night. I went to sleep right before he got home last night and he storms in my room and at the top of his lungs says "are you asleep?" so of course the answer was "no, not anymore." I woke up and listened to his shit for like ten minutes and gave him simple answers before he got pissed off and closed my door after I fell asleep on him. I finally got to see miss Anna after over a year of not seeing her and saw Patrick for a short time as well. The Melbourne mall sucks as well I've learned. Really I guess all malls suck for me however large they are because really nothing there appeals to me. I think I'm going to do my daily crossword yet again as my excuse to not write in this before cleaning.

2700 More Fridays Until Retirement

2010-01-29T20:08:00.002-05:00

Wow what a depressing way to look at things I suppose. Work was pretty good today and I stayed busy enough but I already dread waking up for work tomorrow. I went to my buddy Bill's house to bullshit about stuff and had some beer with him and his brother who was down from New York. I also just did my taxes half drunk and I am getting money back for the first time in my life. I actually pretty much sobered up after that and now I'm just bored. I wish I had someone to go out to dinner with but I'm just a slacker. I'm going to sit here and do my crossword now.

Obligatory Update

2010-01-28T20:08:00.001-05:00

I'm sitting here scratching my head trying to get the pieces of rust out of my hair from the transmission that I changed today at work and how nasty it was. I just bought my Megadeth tickets for my now annual trek to Atlanta and I am stoked. I have to do taxes for my father now though which shall be all kinds of fun. It kills me that he gets money back and I always owe taxes. Such is life.

Fuck Updating

2010-01-27T21:09:00.002-05:00

I had a long busy day at work today and tomorrow morning I have to go in and yank a transmission out of an Aerostar van. I love my job and I love how it's taken my mind off of all of the immature, stupid people in my life. It's not one person, it's many of them. It's people who don't realize how immature they are all the way to the grand scale of my father. Sooner or later I just hope people will grow the fuck up and learn that shit isn't cute anymore. I am starving and I am going to finish the last 60 pages of my book now. I think tomorrow or the next day I will write some more. I have been neglecting my writings, my guitar and my PS3 even since I went back to work. I feel like a lazy sack of shit.

This Feels Like A Chore

2010-01-26T18:16:00.002-05:00

Alright, home from work again and I spent about 20 minutes in the shower today. I was absolutely filthy today. I got the new Tim Dorsey book today so I'm content for tonight and probably tomorrow night. I've decided that in March my father, Kathy, Rachel and myself are going to Megadeth/Testament/Exodus in Atlanta and it will rock pretty hard. That's pretty much all that's new and different in my life. I could go on about how I have burdens lifted off of my shoulders and stuff like that this week but I'm not that much of a cold-hearted dick.

Before I Forget

2010-01-25T20:51:00.002-05:00

Today wasn't much to tell about. It was drama on the home front from completely out of nowhere and a slow, boring day at work. It's the first day I've done the clock watching. 2010 is off to a fairly good start though at least in terms of change. One of these days I'll figure out the happiness thing and stuff and I'll be set.

Not Much Of A Day Off

2010-01-24T17:33:00.002-05:00

My one day a week off is going to be the longest day of my week apparently. I get to hear my father go on about all of the problems with women, what a bad person his boss is, the same stories about his truck, etc. It's quite a life I lead. I went to lunch with asshole today and sat next to an old Jewish couple that left a $1.81 tip on a $28.19 bill. And then they want to know why nobody likes them. I don't know if I mentioned it or not but my father had this imaginary girlfriend named Candice when I was in Gainesville last and she's apparently like 28 and ungodly hot and just wants to fuck him but he can't have anything to do with her because she listens to country music. I just laughed and listened to him for the longest time. So my father met my boss on Friday and found out that Lonnie has known her for years because he's friends with her boyfriends' family and he completely shut up about his lies of fucking her. It's the little things in life that make me smile like that. I hope that means I get to meet her soon since she's a customer there so I can be like 'Oh yeah, my father runs around town talking about what a great piece of ass you are." I'm bored and going to watch more football.

Oh The Peace

2010-01-23T15:19:00.003-05:00

I'm sitting here in a pair of shorts and it's like 74 degrees outside with the windows open and enjoying nobody talking to me, the dogs sleeping, etc. Work was nice, I got paid today which was wonderful so I'm not as broke, and it was a really good week. I had a peaceful week that didn't involve me getting pissed off at anyone or anything so it was beautiful. It was hectic but worth it. My mom just sent me one of those forwarded emails about Obama not being American born and how he's hiding the truth. Think about this though, we are the enemy to all of these countries, so don't you think they'd just extort the money out of us anyhow? If he weren't American we would have known it by now. I hate all of this stupid shit going on because in no way does it affect the job that he's doing. So just stop it.

I Would Say TGIF

2010-01-22T18:44:00.003-05:00

But now I work Saturdays. This is the first time I've worked Saturdays since early 2005 and it kind of sucks but my job is still cool I suppose. The 16 dollar insoles are still undecided if they actually work or not. I do know for a fact their massaging heel support doesn't massage half of shit but I don't feel quite as miserable as usual. Maybe it's because I was sitting down doing a timing belt on a Toyota on the ground most of the day. I did some side work to shut my father up as well after work and Lonnie was nice enough to let me use a lift so I didn't have to fuck with it tomorrow. I was listening to the radio in that car and it had some oldies station on and realized that I have found the perfect song to make a metal cover of just as Type O Negative did to 'Summer Breeze'. The original version of 'The Night The Lights Went Out In Georgia' from 1973 is the perfect song to make uptempo and metal -- possibly death metal -- with the gothic lyrics involved here. Most people have probably only heard the country versions of the song as had I but the Vicki Lawrence song is fucking amazing. Here are the original lyrics to the song: http://www.leoslyrics.com/listlyrics.php?hid=nfYqkDn2VcE%3D and I might make that my project in 2010, who knows?

I Need New Knees

2010-01-21T19:58:00.001-05:00

I'm home and sweating my ass off for no reason. Magni has pissed on the new furniture though so things aren't any different than any other day. My knees are screaming at me so I went and spent 16 dollars on Dr. Scholls big and tall men insoles tonight so I better fucking be jellin' or something tomorrow or else I'm going to slaughter babies and use their corpses to absorb the cushion of being fat.

Extremely Sore

2010-01-20T20:52:00.002-05:00

Well day three of work is over. This week has felt like a recap of my job and that's all. I've gotten home around 6 each night and been thoroughly exhausted each night and in bed around midnight as well so that I could readjust to waking up early and all of that fun shit. I was worried that my 3 and 4 in the morning sleeping pattern would show itself for the first few weeks but somehow I picked up on my normal sleep right away. Of course it's weird to see how many of my friends don't get online until about 1 or 2 in the morning but it happens I suppose. I have the internet at work and I haven't had time to do shit yet but it does make the day go by pretty fast. My back and feet are sore as shit at the moment. I've gotta buy insoles for my work shoes soon but I'm pretty cheap about the things that I actually need in life. My fingertips have been too sore from the weird work I've done these first few days to play my guitar as well which also sucks fully. Oh well, time to enjoy the last few minutes of my peace until my father gets home.

Go Forth And Die

2010-01-19T18:22:00.002-05:00

I am fucking exhausted. We were quite busy at work today and I got home at about 5:45 and was thrilled to get a shower and lay here doing nothing like I've been longing for all day. I like my job well enough though I'm just tired. Hopefully work will let me get less fat and it will be worth it. I know that I'll still be broke every week because that's a given with me. I've never made enough money to not need something and I don't know how much money it'd take to fix that but I guess it gives me a reason to keep waking up. I'm exhausted now.

I Have A Dream...

2010-01-18T18:10:00.003-05:00

...But it involves me hitting the lottery and getting far far away from here. I actually had a good day and I feel like the worst part of the job is waking up for it. My boss pretty much just tells Dan and I what needs to be done for the day and lets us split it up between us as long as it gets done. I stayed busy all day and had quite a strange encounter at my old job. So I have a truck that I need to reprogram the engine controller on and it has to be taken to Dependable and thankfully Joe had already left for the day. I get there at 3 and their computers are broken and they can't do an update. So I worked on the computers until 4 and then did the update which took all of ten minutes and left by 4:15. I got the fax number and told them that I was going to fax them a bill tomorrow for one hour of my time fixing a computer and one hour of lost time for Lonnie. So they ended up waiving the 45 dollars that they were going to charge him and Rhett was shitting bricks that he had to tell Joe that I came in there and fixed the computer and got work done for free. It was a good first day and I didn't have time to sit around or anything.

End Of My Freedom

2010-01-17T19:04:00.003-05:00

13 hours from now I'll be back at work. I've actually always prided myself in not being one of the lazy people in this world but after you have a few months loaded with concerts and working on your own schedule it is going to be a shock for me. I need the money and will be glad to be making it again. Today was pretty much a total waste. I woke up and ate and then took my morning shit and saw this really brutal looking spider staring at me. So ant spray didn't kill him and I decided I'd take the vacuum to him. I take a vacuum to the corner of the wall where it had been nesting and as soon as I turn it on it shuts off all of the lights in my bathroom and they will not turn back on. So now my bathroom is in the darkness until hopefully tomorrow and I can get it fixed. My father got pissed off that I was neglecting the vacuum because the belt also fried when I used it. We went to Walmart and he blew more money and we ate more food and here I am doing nothing again. Should be fun tomorrow.

Edit: This is the spider. Anyone know what it is?

It Burnsss

2010-01-16T22:28:00.002-05:00

My eyes are burning and watering and Magni is in his cage sneezing. My father just got home to the smell of a shit ton of bleach and in a total bitch mood. I went in the spare bedroom and found out that most of the floor was covered in dried piss with his footprints throughout the piss. It was the only way to get rid of all of the piss and now he's in a bitchy mood over it. He can actually live in the smell of piss and be completely unfazed by it as he's done for the last few years. I'm pretty fed up with living here but I have nowhere else to go. I'm just sick of my life. And of course to boot everyone else still blames me for all of their problems. I'm out.

Is It Worth Typing This?

2010-01-15T18:06:00.002-05:00

I'm watching Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back for the first time in a couple of years I think. I'm going to see if I can get my iPod to stop rebooting and skipping songs and then sit around and do nothing for a little while. I'm tired of hearing about everything on the news right now as well. This wasn't really much of an entry worth making. I need some new friends.

Death In Fire

2010-01-14T19:36:00.002-05:00

So the title has nothing to do with the entry, it's just the song I'm listening to. Unless of course I'm contemplating my father and Magni dying in a fire. Today was a busy day. I got some more movies, some other personal shit, and I got my toolbox moved to the new job. I start Monday thankfully so I won't be as broke anymore. I put up more pictures in my room and another frame of tickets and now I'm pretty much out of room which is amazing. I am exhausted mentally and physically today and I just want to sleep. At least I'm not pretending to like the Haitians like everyone else. I love how America feels obligated to one up these other countries in terms of aid and donations yet they don't send us shit when we have a catastrophe. Let them fend for themselves, we'll always be the enemy anyways.

Rise And Shine

2010-01-13T10:08:00.002-05:00

It's 10 and I feel absolutely amazing. I got 12 hours of sleep so good that I never even rolled over except for the one time I stood up to piss. If sleep deprivation has its perks, the makeup sleep is it. I got to West Palm Beach around 7:30 yesterday and we went down to Key Largo which is really more or less a dump turned into a tourist hot spot for the glass bottom boat thing because my mom had to check it out. I was up for it since I love the serenity that I get on a boat and I dig fish too, I just always want to eat them. We get there at 10:30 being told we have to check in by 11 and the boat is at 12:15. So we get there and they tell us check in is 12:30 and the boat takes off at 1. We sit in Keith's truck and eat lunch and the Captain pulls up in a 15 year old Dakota and he looks drunk off his ass and a lot like a pedophile. So I thought it'd be funny to go dig up the banjo duel from Deliverance on youtube and play it on my phone as we walked in. Mom and Keith weren't too thrilled about it but it was funny. Then we get there and there is a woman there with the EXACT voice of Kathy Bates from Misery and my skin started to crawl. We end up being the only three people on the boat with our tour guide I guess you'd call him who was some dorky looking kid who looked like he was the hottest nerd at his school about a year older than me. I didn't say shit the entire boat ride out because I was too busy enjoying the silence and then I made a couple of racist remarks here and there to lighten the mood as if somebody died. Then the dude looked at my A Perfect Circle hat and decided he'd try to make conversation. I learned he grew up with the 10 Years guys and was in a band with one of the Norma Jean guys and had been to a few of the same shows that I had been to. So we talked about music and guitars for the 45 minute ride back which was really surprisingly cool. It's just been really awkward and shit here again anyhow. I never know what to say or what to do so I've just kept my mouth shut. I'm going to go be productive now.

No Sleep 'TIl I Dunno When

2010-01-12T02:51:00.002-05:00

I just got home from Behemoth. It was a wonderful show and the band was way to sweet to begin to elaborate. I have to get ready to go to Key Largo in 2 and a half hours and I am out of clothes. So I am waiting for my laundry right now to put it in the dryer so I have underwear before I leave. I am fucking exhausted and sick still but it was so worth it. I will update more when I have time.

Another Long Day Ahead

2010-01-11T00:14:00.001-05:00

Behemoth is tonight which will be a great show. The part that won't be great is how my father will pretend to be the best friends of a band he's seen once and never met before. He will also inevitably not shut up about his iPod dock or anything else so it's going to make for a long day on top of his driving two over the speed limit habit. Being sick is not going to make me any happier. It's going to be cold as fuck in Saint Petersburg tomorrow as well so I'll probably dress like Rob Halford in the leather pants and the leather jacket and be glad that I'm not seeing this show at the Ritz in Tampa.

This Is My Father

2010-01-10T15:46:00.003-05:00

I tried to hide in my room for as long as I possibly could today to be away from him and it didn't work. He texted me this morning to see if I was awake because he just absolutely had to have an iPod dock for his new found love of music so he has music in his room. Of course he's listening to Shinedown again because it's one of the only bands that he knows. We go to Target and none of the iPod docks are plugged in so you can't hear any of them. He goes to some black guy and asks him to turn them on while he's ringing up people and the guy says to see his manager. I automatically walk off because I know it's going to be embarrassing. He starts screaming at this guy about what a nigger he is and how lazy he is and how he is what is wrong with America. And he's looking all around for me shouting "isn't that right son?" so I tried explaining his errors in his ways and he got terribly pissed off at me as if I ran off from a fight and didn't defend his honor. I wanted to spit in his face. So we went to Best Buy and their things didn't work either so he went to the Bose outlet west of town. He swore to me they had their docks refurbished for $150 and his boss owned two of them. They only had the new ones for $300 and not to be outdone by his boss he absolutely HAD to have one. All I've heard about since then is how you pay for what you get and you get what you pay for. I am so fucking sick of this penis showing contest he calls his life. He feels like there isn't a nicer television, car, iPod or anything else than the one that he owns. I showed him that I have a set of five dollar speakers that work just fine for me but that is 'jigwood'. I just shake my head in frustration. Next time he turns up his new Bose dock with his amazing sound I am plugging my iPod into my guitar amp and turning it up. He doesn't know what loud sounds like yet.

Just Fucking Stop It!

2010-01-09T17:32:00.006-05:00

So I've done my best to hold my tongue here but I have fucking had enough of the Obama bashing on sites like facebook that have no impact on the world. Lots of people are guilty of it down to my mom as if their voice is actually meaningful. How fucking ignorant do you have to be to think that the world is going downhill because he has been in office for this past year? I think a great majority of everyday people who pay no attention to politics just think bashing him is the easiest thing to do as we rightfully did with Bush. That's how people choose to be involved in politics in the 21st century. Maybe racism is still much more intact than anybody wants to admit if they hate a black President and question his abilities because of his color and they will still discriminate against gays as lesser people for the sake of arguing. Fifty or sixty years ago when a high standing member of society thought his town went to shit he didn't blog about it, he ran for mayor. Now we go off of second hand information trickled down from the blogs of other people as a reason to make a stupid fucking survey question that makes you sound even more ignorant than you really are. Do people even read into his agendas or do they just see that they don't like what he's doing because their family already has health care or they don't have a family member who relies on the automobile industry or banks to survive?

First of all, national health care has been an American dream for many years now and when there is a President that finally wants to tackle it he's now an asshole. I really liked Clinton and the peace that he kept as President, however he regressed in the fight for universal health care. Of course all know that Bush avoided it entirely so he could wage a war on oil so it wasn't even an issue. Do I like the idea of universal health care? Fuck yes I do. Do I like his plan? No, not particularly. But wouldn't his idea be better than nothing at all? I'd like to think so, but apparently not, because assholes like Wolf Blitzer, Larry King, and Glenn Beck all have enough zeros on the end of their paychecks to not worry about their health. I'd like to think that the poor people who wish they could see a doctor once or twice a year would outnumber the greedy celebrity fucks that can bash the President on television because his plan doesn't cater to them. I would like to see Glenn Beck tell a cancer patient that can no longer legally be refused health care after this bill passes to tell him or her to their face that it was a terrible idea. Not to mention how he will go down as the worst President in history for it. I've read comments from doctors and their families talking about how this bill will ruin them. They couldn't be any further from wrong, however they'd have to work for a living. Instead of raping HMO's for 1000% markup on anesthetics and treatments like they have for decades they would instead have a cap on these things, but they also gain what is it 72 MILLION new patients for their troubles.

Next is the bailout dilemma for the banks and automobile industries. Do I feel like it was right? No. Was it needed? Yes. The Bush administration has even went as far as admitting that they knew it was inevitable with the automobile industry but they didn't want to be the ones held responsible for doing it. It's pretty much like faithfully paying your rent for 8 years and then moving out but stopping to fix your hot water heater first, it'd be pointless. The bank crisis could have been adverted entirely if laws were put in place a decade ago now to keep banks from hoarding money and refusing to lend it, but closed minded assholes feel like the banks went from healthy to life support in the first 90 days of the Obama administration. Without bailing out the banks and the automobile industry the backbone of America would be left to rely on commodities like Google and Windows that don't have the 200 year staying power like General Motors or Wells Fargo do. But people who don't research these things think the money is somehow being taken out of their pockets and would rather see the unemployment rate at 25% and the housing market in a depression than worry about where their money that they are ENTITLED to for being an American in the future is. By the time I am 68 or 70 or whenever I am eligible for retirement I can safely say that there will be five more Presidents who will alter all of these laws and nothing in fact will change.

Just yesterday, democrat turned republican, Rudy Giuliani who was the mayor of New York City on 9/11 claimed that there were no terrorist attacks on America during Bush's time in office. Are you fucking serious? The republicans are having too much fun because the same exact government agencies that have been in place since the Bush administration missed key information on a failed terrorist attack under a democrat. I'm not going to sit and tell you if Bush or Obama is a better President either because that isn't why I wrote this. Obviously if your son or daughter is in a body bag in Iraq right now, if you're one of the 10% of the country who has been unemployed, or if you are a same sex couple, I have a feeling you didn't like Bush. If you reaped the benefits of a thriving oil business or got wealthier during the Bush administration on shady business practices, I see why you hate Obama. If you are a college kid who has no worries in life beyond smoking pot, you just need to keep your mouth shut about politics because it only makes you sound like an uneducated bigot. I feel like Obama is actually making a change in the country and even if it's not best right now, in the future it will be. Did anyone else see Obama elect the first transgendered cabinet member this past week? No, nobody did. It didn't even make the news outside of a footnote on CNN. Will that ever be discussed as a stride towards equality in America? Never. We'd rather talk about what could have happened with the underwear bomber three weeks after the fact. More people die every single day for no justifiable reason overseas than that airplane can hold and they refuse to mention that. My grudge isn't even with the people bringing the news to us and how biased they are because that will never change for as long as we are alive. My grudge is with the people who won't even acknowledge one side of the story much less both sides. The internet has bred a bunch of people who think three minutes of reading headlines a day makes them both political and analytical yet they still don't have the desire to go out and vote or go to their town meetings and attempt to change things. So to all of you 21st century hippies that feel like 1 million followers in a facebook group will change things: Fuck you.

Sick of Your Shit

2010-01-08T16:45:00.001-05:00

Nobody ever wants to hear me bitch and moan which is why I have this and livejournal and stuff yet I meet people who only want to complain to me and then when I need to bitch could give a Goddamn. I hear about the most trivial shit usually involving multiple guys liking them or their own laziness as a problem. These people wouldn't know conflict if it bit them in the ass. I'm frustrated to say the least. I just don't give a fuck but I'm too good of a friend to say anything because maybe one day they'll have something valid to bitch about. Whatever.

This Looks Like A Good Time

2010-01-07T19:40:00.002-05:00

I'm sitting here pissing away the last twenty minutes until the 8 o'clock deadline here I decide that I need to clean the house for the day. I've had side work the past two days and both were nonsense but it was an easy $35. My mom is down in West Palm Beach for the week so I'm going to have to go see her on Saturday or something. After Behemoth on Monday I should probably go back to work. Everything else in life has failed me so money would be good at least I assume. Money does make me a happier person. I do hate that feeling of knowing how I make all of that money just to piss it away on bills. It's life I know but fuck it sucks. I wish my student loan were paid off, that's hands down the most stressful one because I feel like I actually get nothing out of it. I don't mind my car insurance, my phone, my cable, etc. because at least I use it. My education was a total fucking waste and I have a decade of debt to them. Oh well.

Lifeless Life

2010-01-06T21:44:00.002-05:00

This becomes an actual chore updating this when I don't feel like bitching about things in my life and when I have nothing to ramble about. It's been a boring week really aside from all of the nonsense drama going on in my life. I made twenty bucks working on a 90 year old's car today which was nice since it almost paid for the 16 I spent in gas and 10 I spent on food and toothpaste. The only thing that really pissed me off lately was a cop yesterday with too much power and free time. So I went and paid the electric bill which is right across the street from the police station and pulled out onto the road behind a Land Rover. I was doing my usual 35 mph since I'm not stupid enough to speed there and was about three car lengths behind the Land Rover. There was a police Suburban at the upcoming intersection just sitting there but I didn't think anything of it. The Land Rover makes it to the stop light and the light goes from green to red in literally about two seconds. The yellow light only flashed for a split second and he goes through and I am left locking up my brakes to stay out of the crosswalk and oncoming traffic. The cop sees me come to a stop and drives through the intersection and just as soon as he makes it through the light turns green again. It was no accident obviously even though he would have let one happen just to ticket me for running a red light or something I'm sure. So that's all for now. I was pretty pissed and forgot to mention it yesterday because I was too engulfed in shooting things.

How Long Until I Reuse A Title?

2010-01-05T22:43:00.002-05:00

Today is a day that feels just like yesterday. I've done nothing for days on end and I feel like an epic piece of shit for it. All is still fucked along the home front and I'm quite depressed about it. I've stopped talking to a couple of people and deleted them from my interwebs because I can only listen to their problems but they can't listen to mine. I ask people to spend time with me and they make promises that they can't keep and at the end of the day I'm still alone. Everyone just feels like I'm complaining for the sake of complaining but again it's one of those things people just don't understand. I'm tired of feeling this way.

Life Is Not Worth Waiting For

2010-01-04T20:16:00.002-05:00

I stayed busy today for once. I saw the sausage burritos are $1 at McDonalds again and I had to have some even though I felt terrible. I got up at 9:45 after going to sleep at 4:30 or so making for another long night of sleep. I went to Best Buy and returned a PS3 controller and came home and laid in bed because my father had to watch 'Marley & Me'. Dan showed up at lunch for an hour so my father could talk his ear off about all kinds of nonsense like always and then asshole's iPod showed up as did his FM transmitter and my amplifier parts finally. So I took his truck all apart and installed an auxillary cigarette lighter thing and his iPod and an FM transmitter and then the transmitter sounded like shit so he's in a super bitch mood about how nothing can ever go right with his stuff. It's pretty fucking annoying I must say. So I took about an hour and changed the two potentiometers and two audio jacks on my amplifier and put it back together and it sounds amazing like it's supposed to finally. So here I am bored and lazy now that everything is done and my father has stopped asking me a million questions about his iPod. I'm just fed up with everything right now.

I Have Never Felt Less Alive

2010-01-03T18:37:00.001-05:00

Everything around me is falling to shit right now. I can't even hold down food because I'm far too fucked up in the head. I don't know where my life is going or what I want from it anymore. I just want to die mostly. I have never felt any less inspired to update this.

I Just Updated This

2010-01-02T01:52:00.003-05:00

Three hours ago now I guess it is. Sevendust is tonight. I should be looking forward to it a whole lot more than I actually am. I've seen them so much lately and I'm so burned out on driving I've actually been enjoying this little bit of peace and quiet lately. I'm about to get back into the whole job thing soon so concerts will be few and far between like they used to be and I should probably value them a whole lot more than I do. I'm not worried about it though, I'll figure it all out. My life is spiraling out of control anyhow and concerts are the last thing I need to worry about. So bring it on January.

Almost Forgot To Update This

2010-01-01T23:05:00.002-05:00

Damn, not the way to start off the year with this thing. It's 11 and I just now remembered it. I've got way too much on my mind and I have been completely and entirely useless today. I have watched two football games, a basketball game and Inglorious Basterds. That movie was a whole lot of hype to be 2 hours worth of dialogue and not that much excitement or anything. You let me down this time Tarantino. I'm glad it's 2010 so I don't have to hear about 2009 anymore but that's about it. I'm ready for a vacation.

I'm Not Sure If I'll Miss 2009 Yet...

2009-12-31T17:33:00.002-05:00

So everyone bitched and moaned about what an awful this year was because a ton of celebrities that they had never met or odds of heard of until their death, died. I say kill more of them. If Dick Clark fell over dead tonight as we were counting backwards from ten I wouldn't be happier. The world losing twenty or thirty C-list celebrities and a few bombshells like Michael Jackson should be cause for celebration and not grief. The most typical response is "Oh, they have families too" but I say so does everyone else who dies all over the world every minute as well as those at war right now. At least the families of these shitty actors are left with money and not debt like most other people. 2010 will probably be more tragic than 2009 and everyone will want to forget it in 365 more days. My reasoning is that television took off in the 1950's and 60's and really started booming in the 70's so there are tons of actors from that era who are over 70 now that are waiting to die. Five or ten years ago there weren't as many old celebrities because nobody cared about WWII veterans or scientists dying. The 70's was when mainstream music took off and they're all reaching 60 now which is a moderate life expectancy after all of the chemicals they've ingested. Then the 80's was the climax of one hit wonder musicians until the present day bullshit that they slap on the radio making now the most overpopulated time for these people to die off until about 2035. That means these people are pushing 50 now and that's a long time for a drug addict or alcoholic to live. But with any luck in 2010 many more soulless individuals will die and the world will be spared of hurricanes, tornadoes and actual tragic events.

Not My Day

2009-12-30T15:52:00.001-05:00

I feel like dog shit today. I've got way too much on my mind right now. My stomach is all knotted up since I've eaten and I feel repulsed by food and everything else right now. I was offered a job today but it's here in Vero Beach which defeats the purpose of moving. I'm just really really fed up and I need answers and money. I'm going to go and watch even more Kevin Smith for now.

Demon Tied To A Chair In My Brain

2009-12-29T19:02:00.002-05:00

Today started off really promising and then fell to shit. I woke up at about 11:20 and Dan called and said Advance was buying Bono's for us so I went and ate lunch with him. I went to Best Buy and returned my broken PS3 controller in the packaging for the one that Dan bought even though his was blue and mine was black and they didn't notice. So I felt pretty good about my day. I felt like a pregnant woman and absolutely had to have a strawberry milkshake today so I stopped and got one and got Dan an unsweet tea and worked on his computer for a while. My father then called asking if I could put rear brakes on Danielle's truck right then and there. I was actually wearing a dress shirt too for once so I had to go home and change and pick up his truck and do that. So I finish that and go to return it and then my father calls asking what I'm doing. I tell him I'm returning it and then have to run back over to Dan's before 5. He then tells me Lyle's truck is broken down in the Publix parking lot with a bum starter. For a month he's been telling me that as soon as that starter goes bad he's not calling me to fix it and he's going to have to fend for himself. So we have a fight over it on the phone and he throws a temper tantrum and I tell him that I'll look at it. So I had to put out $106 for a starter and hope to get the money back for that too since I didn't get paid for either job of course. Lonnie let me use a lift at the shop so I didn't have to change the starter in the parking lot which was really nice of him and saved me some frustration. I got done with that and returned it so I could get no money for doing it or the part. I came home and talked to my mom who is throwing me dead in the middle of her leaving this fiancee of hers to go stay a week with her ex husband. I found out my father has been texting my sister after all and it's been a huge lie he's been telling me about how he can't be bothered with her. I'm not surprised or anything, I'm just fed up more than you know. I tweaked my back again today as well so I'm going to be a miserable fuck for a while.

For Once, Fuck Technology

2009-12-28T18:02:00.002-05:00

Well my phone started going off at ten this morning so I was pretty much up early and then my father barged in at like 12:30 gloating about how his phone came. He asked me hours worth of questions about his new smartphone like how to use the keyboard and stuff. He has the sD card out of my phone right now because I was showing him how it will play music like mine will. Now he doesn't want to give it back on the basis that I want to get an iPhone. But whatever, I only paid twenty bucks for it and if it will shut him up so be it I figured. How wrong I was. Now he thinks his phone is his own personal jukebox and he blares the music that I already had on there out of his phone when he's in his room or on the toilet. I would be really upset except I never changed the music on it so it's only my favorite albums. And even worse is he thinks he's now an expert in all things Pantera. Why you may ask? Because they were featured in this month's Revolver. This is the same guy who asked me who I was listening to during the Far Beyond Driven album on the way home from Motorhead. But since they've been in Revolver he has worn their shirts two days in a row and that's all that he wants to listen to as well. It's pretty pathetic if I may say so myself. I really really need to get away for a while.

Steak Overload

2009-12-27T18:30:00.002-05:00

I love red meat more than anyone possibly should but right now, holy fuck I'm actually tired of it. I had prime rib on Friday, Checkers on Saturday and leftover prime rib and filet mignon tonight. I want a nap and I need some gym equipment. However sad it is my eating habits have been good but I've eaten too much of it lately. I haven't been eating much sweets and real crap or even a lot of fast food yet I gain weight. If I eat fast food everyday I will stay exactly the same weight because I guess I just shit it all out. I'm just rambling right now. I'm done for now.

I Almost Forgot To Update This

2009-12-26T23:16:00.003-05:00

Well today was a busy unaccomplishing day. I woke up at 9 and got a wah pedal for my guitar from some kid on craigslist. Works really cool and all of that jazz. Then I hit Dunkin Donuts and Walgreens to pick up some pictures and came home and did the shower thing. I went to Comcast looking for the new Motorola router which is pretty fucking ultimate and the lady was like 'if you want one of those you're gonna have to buy it yourself'. So I came home, hung up some pictures and then went to the music store to pick up some strings for the Dean and a patch cable so I didn't have 50 feet (literally) of guitar cord on my floor. I did that, came home and found the plug that lets me plug my iPod into my amplifier. It sounded pretty amazing except when I changed the volume. So I got daring and took the amp all apart and tested every potentiometer inside of it. I found one other bad one on top of the volume knob and set out to electronic stores and music stores for two pots. Of course I was unsuccessful at my attempts and gave up and went home. I then finished the new Call of Duty storyline because I felt like I had to and cleaned the floors. See what I'm saying about staying busy doing nothing yet? So that was about it. And on a stupid note today is the two year anniversary of Thor doing as well as hurting my back at work. It wasn't a day that I want to relive but I'll always remember it and stuff. Okay, that's enough rambling for now.

Piss On You All

2009-12-25T12:50:00.002-05:00

This is that day along with my birthday that I'm always the most depressed about all year. I haven't looked forward to either of these days since I was young and my parents bought presents because they were obligated to or else they'd be bad parents in the never ending coolness competition that they had to endure. I remember one year when I was eight or nine my parents seemingly avoided the fact that it was my birthday. I went and hid in my closet that day. I'm not sure why I remember it so clearly still but I think since then holidays haven't been the same. I've gotten some cool shit here and there but overall it's been a major fuck. Since I was 12 I've been out with my father who puts buying pot ahead of groceries so there's no reason he should do anything for Christmas. He said he bought me the new Call of Duty so he can hold it over my head for the next six months. He bought his recliners and he's buying himself an iPod because he just has to have one now that I own one so he's doing pretty good financially. I wake up every Christmas to a phone full of text messages from people who won't take ten seconds out of their busy lives the other 364 days of the year to talk to me and then won't even answer when I return their message. I even have a few numbers that aren't even in my phone because I deleted them that long ago. Between the three messengers, myspace, vampirefreaks and facebook I'd say I have about 250 unique friends. I will hear from almost all of them via status update or IM over the next day to a week about how great their Christmas was based on the rewards that they reaped from others. I guess if somebody were giving me a new laptop and all of that fun stuff I'd be more joyful towards the whole thing but how shallow and meaningless this holiday really is at the core kills me. I don't want to keep rambling in fear of sounding like my sister who posted the most nonsensical fucking stupid blog ever yesterday on facebook about how Christmas hasn't been the same since my parents got divorced. Her Christmases have gotten better since then because she's now treated like an only child from my mom's side of the family. I haven't even heard from any of them since I was 13 much less expected them to buy me shit. But she's just that selfish and has no moral qualms about it. But I know that hundreds of millions of people who rightfully have no reason to be happy will be joyous today for the sake of getting shit they didn't even know that they needed until now and I wish you all the best, just please stop trying to force your happiness on me. And if you want to tell me everything that you got from your parents who supposedly don't love you, don't understand you, etc. you can at least try holding a normal conversation with me just this one time. Oh and my NEW laptop cord died to boot. That is all for now.

I Am Only Updating This Because I Am Required To

2009-12-24T20:57:00.002-05:00

I'm not in the greatest of moods or anything today although playing a little bit of guitar seemed to make me feel a lot better. I think I've just been a little bit moody because of everybody in the world loving tomorrow except for me. You know that feeling you have on your face when you just got done crying? I have that feeling, but I wasn't crying and I can't explain it. Oh, I even ate chocolate. I would love to sleep tomorrow away. My father spent probably $30 on dinner for tomorrow so I will never be able to live that down obviously. It's just not going to be all too great.

Weird Day

2009-12-23T16:09:00.002-05:00

I've been spending a lot of time at Dan's job without having a job myself lately. It's pretty fucking pathetic if you ask me. I've made $180 there on the side in the past few weeks fixing computers and stuff however today. Lonnie gave me $20 for helping out around the shop yesterday and helping Dan diagnose a Honda and he was just like "Merry Christmas you do a lot around here." I picked up lunch for Dan and I at Checkers and then installed a pretty cool stereo in Dan's truck as his girlfriend's Christmas present. It took me about three hours to make it look perfect and get all of the add-ons installed on it. My father will be raging when he gets home because my corporate letter bomb yielded immediate results with Comcast and his hand-written pathetic attempt at one failed miserably with Motorola. He writes these condescending letters in a really illegible slanted cursive as if he is their only customer and he has twenty of their products etc., and they always blow him off of course. This time Motorola sent him both phones that he mailed them back unfixed with a letter saying that they do stand behind their products for at least a year minimum however they aren't going to fix liquid and physical damage to the phones. The keypad on one of them is actually corroding now but he will claim it never got wet and they just didn't want to do anything for him. It will be followed by the inevitable "I'm never going to buy another fucking thing from Motorola!" of course just like he did with Samsung over them not replacing the TV he put a dog bone through.

On a shittier note I found out a former coworker of mine died and that really bums me out. He was a great guy. Right around my birthday I saw him at the ATM at Wachovia and he stopped to talk to me because he saw my article in the newspaper and asked if I was looking for work and I told him that I was. November 23rd he called me and left me a voicemail telling me he found me a job if I wanted to drive south. November 30th he never woke up in the morning. Mike was 66. He was a damned good guy that everyone who worked with him liked except for my asshole boss. Such is life.