Out Of My Head

It's almost 8 and I just got home and out of the shower. I felt depressed as shit today and I just wanted to keep working. If I had the parts and the cars I could have easily worked until midnight tonight just to be away from everything but my music. My music is the only constant in my life and the only thing that I don't want to change. I feel like I complain about the same shit so many days in my life but it just seems more and more apparent with every new person that keeps me around as a novelty until they learn who I am at which time I am relegated to the fallback guy status. I am so sick of being at the bottom of the food chain when it comes to who people want to talk to, who people want to date or whatever else. I feel like I am on thin ice with every person that I meet and there is one magical word that I can say to any of them that sets them over the edge where I'm no longer friend material. Instead I am that one guy who tries to talk to them but they want nothing to do with me unless their life is going terribly or all else has failed them. Of course some people always take offense to me bitching and moaning about this stuff so mind you this isn't about everybody. This is more targeted at new people that I meet in my pathetic endeavors every week. There is a one week period of getting to know me where we are excited to speak to each other and learn about one another and some show interest in being my friend, my lover or whatever the hell else anymore and some just can't be bothered. After that week wears off everything falls out of their closet and you see who their real love interests are, why they can't be my friend because they are 'too busy' or they give me the 'who is this?' treatment. I guess that's where most of my retarded depression comes from today. I think it all hit me basically that people mean too much to me when I mean nothing to most of them.