Moonspell last night was a great show. I didn't get home until 4:15 but I kind of slept until 3 today to make up for it. I feel better now of course. Cynthia came over and we got some Burger King a few hours and then went to the makeshift Halloween store they have here. It's a travesty seeing how much shit costs there. There is no way in hell a cape is worth $20 and whole outfits that will fall apart after two wears should cost $70 but there are parents spending shit tons of money on their kids to shut them up. There is also an 'adult' section kind of which is basically just lots of slutty outfits for girls. I decided that as my charity to society I'd give people some cheaper Halloween costume ideas for as cheap as possible.
Prostitute: Wear the sluttiest thing you have with the shortest skirt you own and use lots of eyeshadow and lipstick.
Stripper: Same as prostitute except add more makeup and dig up your black friends' clear heels
Charlie Sheen's Ex: Find an old tattered outfit and cover it with real or fake blood and semen. Give yourself a black eye with makeup and draw some hickeys on your neck and bite marks on your arms. For extra credit make cut rope bracelets and anklets. Sounds an awful lot like a rape victim. Call it what you want.
Basement Dad: Grow an epic 'stache and dye it and your hair grey and take some fake skin and make a droopy face and just give everyone the sad eyes. Proudly wear that Austrian flag.
Basement Daughter: Just roll around in cement dust and dirt and walk around barefoot.
Lance Armstrong: Buy a pair of truck nuts and melt one side off and wear it on the outside of a spandex outfit while pushing your bicycle.
Washington Redskins Player: Find one of their jerseys at your local Goodwill and hang your head in shame. All done.
Richard Gere's Pet Gerbil: This only applies to furries, just keep on doing what you're doing guys.
Homeless Person: Just leave your keys and your phone and wallet in the center console of your car parked in the Walmart parking lot and go to the side of the road and lose all of your dignity looking for change. You might actually make some money. You can dress nice because somehow hobos still have clean clothes in rural areas, but don't type the sign or you're busted.
Baby: Buy a pacifier and a box of Depends. Crying is mandatory or else you're just a fucking freak. Only piss and shit yourself when people laugh at you.
Old Black Woman: Steal the slippers and the shower cap from the next fancy hotel you're at. Wear it with a tee shirt that barely fits you with a pair of sweatpants. Don't forget your watermelon.
I hope this helped somebody at least a little bit in saving some money.
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